dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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