Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
