Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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