i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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