I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
