I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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