The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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