just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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