You just made me feel so damn special
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
