i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
