I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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