dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
