Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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