I should be sponsored by Trojan
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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