Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
