I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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