All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
