im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to walk on stilts...naked
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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