i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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