I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
