ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How does one acquire holy water?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
