it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
