How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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