I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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