I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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