accomplished twins. life is a go
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
