Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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