In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize