That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
