New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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