I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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