Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last time i carry you out of a forest
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
