So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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