please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
