chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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