i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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