My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
