In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
