He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I AM VODKA MAN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
