Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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