Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We are two peas in an std pod
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
