Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
