woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
