lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
