He is an equal opportunity slut.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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