Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
