I think I died a long time ago.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
