I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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