I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
