oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
