matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
