So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
