You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
