I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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