To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
