I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize