So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
