I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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