you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
