If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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