She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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