Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
