we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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