I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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