I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
