Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
