part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
