he shaved USA in his pubs
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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