Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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