ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
