just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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