Is it normal to miss your booty call?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
