Cold hands, warm shart.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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