Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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