at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
